he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
