did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
