I am in a vortex of obligation.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
