I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
