Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize