We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
