Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
