We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
