he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
