College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize