So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
