Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
