ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
