is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
