Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
