It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
