im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
