I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
