Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
