apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
