there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize