Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
