is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I wear drunk well.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
