im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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