She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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