direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
