i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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