He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Rumble strips road head = magical
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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