I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
When are your genitals available?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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