Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize