What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
I'm really busy with my period
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