Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
