just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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