very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
