I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize