Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
