how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
