Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
