Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
it glows. i had to have it.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The air was thick with penises
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
