Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize