This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
