i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize