I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
