i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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