I murdered the dance floor call the cops
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
my being single is dangerous.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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