im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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