I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
