I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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