She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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