shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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