White coat. Heels.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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