The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
