i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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