i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize