the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My penis needs a shock collar
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
