i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
