I have demons in me.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize