The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
