Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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