i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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