I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
