guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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