i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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