So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
