I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
