I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
