So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
