He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
