Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
