Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
