Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
