I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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