How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
50% drunk capacity currently
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
