I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize