you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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