grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
