I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
