I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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