my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
