What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
