2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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