Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
