1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
