Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
