i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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