I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
