Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize