I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Randomize
