ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
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