Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I have post one night stand depression
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
