i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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