things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Randomize
