Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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