and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
