Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
