If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
