Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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