we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
