she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
