Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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