Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
