i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize