I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
