Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She bit a glass in half.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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